True North
Writing comes naturally to me, but at the same time I hear myself nagging at me about how it’s a waste of time. Talking to myself like this and reinforcing the emotional spikes is what a child does; I did it when I was a child, and I’m doing it now. It’s time to put away childish things and write something I would be proud of instead of whatever this child’s diary is. I mentioned my feelings about it to Wendy, but it actually just super-bummed her out.
“I wish you could just let yourself have fun.” She said
She brought up the idea that we’re on a rock flying through space: I’ve never liked that concept, but mostly because I’ve always seen it through Derrick’s perspective, which is: “an excuse for why I’m so shitty, man. Who cares? We’re all gonna die anyway, let’s just try to have fun while we can. Watch some TV and have a beer” but hearing it from Wendy made me consider it from her perspective: I’m making my own stakes.
I keep reminding myself that I’m the one setting the stakes for myself. I can choose what is important. The only reason why anything is important to me is because I’ve decided it’s important. That’s it. That’s the only compass I know how to use, but I should consider holding the compass a little farther away.